Self Pwnage

It's nice when someone comes up with something witty to poke fun at another's expense. It's better when that other person comes up with an amusing way to make fun of one's self. And it's best when that other person makes fun of themselves without even realizing it.

I'm that guy.

My buddy at work is deciding between an Xbox 360 and PS3 and I'm not respecting his intelligence and I'm absolutely baiting him into an Xbox. I've been sending him all types of propaganda to sway him. When he comes back from the main office area he's sure to have some print out or new wallpaper on his computer about something Xbox related.

(side note) The main office is pretty slick. Lots of glass meeting rooms, pretty swanky space, all-around, very nice. The office has XM radio being pumped throughout the building. Nice touch. However, the choice of the station is up to... I don't know who... but someone who clearly hates me. EZ listening non-stop. So Gloria Estaphan, Chicago, Peter Cetera, whatever... well, the music is also pumped into the attached gym and a Jon Secada song started blaring through the speakers and I lost it and just about created a dumbbell sized hole in my face.

So I'll annoy people in the office by sending them this or have it playing on their computer repeatedly when they come back from lunch:



(this will have relevance later)


I like synergy and I quickly threw together two images hoping to seal the deal on the Xbox 360 for my buddy.

After I sent this I got a message back from him right away asking if I knew what I sent. I asked him what he meant and he asked me if that picture looked like anyone I knew.



What. The. F. I don't see it. Or I don't want to see it. But the office consensus is that I look like... check that... that Jon Secada looks like me in that picture.

And there you have it. So now anyone that reads this can find me less physically attractive... which is okay, I feel the same way about myself. ... but I do find Jon Secada is a bit more dashing than before.... =P

This day in history

I hit the snooze button two too many times today and was a bit late to work. I have a tier system depending on how late I'm running:

- Breakfast is the first to go if I'm running late
- Mini-workout is next to go
- Shaving (more like a beard trim)
- Leisure route into work on side streets

So today was a level-3, I skipped everything but the nice drive in, which I try to enjoy between mentally chastising people drinking their morning coffee while they try to merge into my car.

While brushing I was starting to feel the monotony of the last couple of work weeks. Wake up around the same time. Leave work, same deal. Working on the same project, seeing the same people during the 9 to 5. I thought about April 14th and tried to find any sort of significance about it. Surely there was something that made the day memorable. At the very least someone out there is having a birthday, or maybe a first kiss, or perhaps finishing a life-changing novel, or even celebrating an anniversary... so while today seemingly had no additional meaning to me, someone out there is relishing every instant of this day. And that knowledge alone holds some meaning for me.

So, of course, as I stroll into work late I hear my good buddy on the phone getting a happy birthday call and furtively slink back out to pick up muffins and croissants. While we found a quiet corner and devoured our breakfast (my other coworkers aren't as cool)

I was rewarded for my gesture with this factoid: April 14th is the day that the Titanic sunk.












(As if the event wasn't tragic enough, most people will think of this when they hear "Titanic") =P

Archive Song List 4

Sufjan Stevens - For the widow in paradise

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Drake (ft. Peter Bjorn) - Let's call it off

Taken by Trees - Sweet Child of Mine

Keane - A Bad Dream


1,2,5 are some of my favorite songs. I never seem to tire of them. They are pretty closely tied to a woman from my past, but I think I've successfully recovered each of them...

Do's and Don'ts of Wingman...ery

Who are those happy people?? I have no idea who those girls are but that up there, in the middle, that's me. To be more specific, that's me well on my way to being drunk. It had the setup of one of those nights. I planned ahead. My car was already at my buddy's place. We had a number and cash for a cab. It was Friday night and we hadn't been to a clubby bar in ages.

So I met these two girls and I thought about the following rules for wingmen:

Do
Smile! You'll have more fun that way and you'll attract others that are having fun too.

Don't
Wallow over your failed project/test/relationship/shuttle launch/life.

Do
Have good vision. Genetics and environment can raise hurdles, but contacts and flood lighting should help.



Don't
Direct your friend to the easiest catch possible so you can stop being a wingman, selfish prick...

Do
Jump on that grenade. Divide and conquer - one of the oldest military strategies in existence. You gotta entertain the girlfriend to free your buddy up for some QT.

Don't
Jump on the cake. It's not your night! Or you have a wife or girlfriend, so you're not making moves anyhow. See the following for further assistance:



Do
Dennis Rodman the space. Defense is the key to a good offense. You have to box out and block the other d-bags in the water.



Don't
Get suckered into inviting said d-bags into the fray. They don't really want to buy you a shot. Fail on this one and you should be shot.

Do
Let your buddy shine. Hey, not everyone is a starter. They have a 6th man award for a reason.

Don't
Decide that it's time to dazzle the crowd with your unbelievable magic skills. ... actually, that's the perfectly lame, self-deprecating set up that we need more of.



And we're back to my night out. My buddies weren't hanging out to play wingmen, we were simply having a good time. Drinks were flowing and I was being sociable, good times. I spent a bit of time with those girls talking about things like the brilliance of the moon (no idea who they are or what their names were) and that's because a new Don't was added to my list.

Don't... (emphasis Do Not)... throw-up on (and all over) the bar.

I, (and I do mean) thankfully, was not standing between my buddy and the bar. Instead he was hunched over the bar and ... blaaaaaaaaaah... spread like a freaking bounty paper towel commercial on the bar top. After a considerable recoil (the girls screaming and running away), I grabbed him and dragged him outside. We were obviously not allowed back in. BUT I did manage to get my buddy's credit card on the way out (bringing my wingman score to a very healthy quotient.) The downside was that my card was still open (-1 for the wingmen)... and let's also throw out a +1 to american express customer service for sending me yet another card.

Top 5 Movies of All-Time

Now, again, this is a list of my FAVORITE movies, not necessarily the BEST movies.

One of my favorite movies from the last few years is Adventureland. If you haven't seen it, it's definitely a good watch. It captures that reckless, staving off the dawn, having conversations with friends into the odd hours of the night feeling that seems too long ago.

There are some great movies that didn't make the cut... America's Sweethearts, Just Friends, Tombstone, Last Samurai... but the plaque for the alternates is in the ladies room.

5. Fight Club
The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.


A movie about disenfranchised guys in their 20s and 30s who grew up under the guise of the American Dream, made to believe they could be actors or astronauts, and coming to terms with who they are. And this is about how they deal with that. One of the most comical movies I've ever seen.

4. Top Gun


The entire freaking movie is a line.

3. Great Expectations


I knew I'd love this movie. I think it came out the same weekend the Wedding Singer came out (which I love as well.) There's not much more poetic about boy wants girl, boy can't have girl. The acting, the lighting, the soundtrack... and it has one of the most intensely passionate scenes I've ever witnessed.

2. Grosse Point Blank


This used to be the Matrix, but the sequels took off quite a bit of luster. Quirky and hilarious. It took a couple of watches before I really recognized how amazing this movie is.

1. Gattaca


This is the only perfect movie I've ever seen. The atmosphere, the soundtrack, the cinematography... all of it. It's not for everyone, which helps lock it in as my favorite movie of all-time.

Opening Day!

You know the worst thing about opening day?

Nothing.

Alright, well, maybe being at work during it. Yeah, that'd definitely qualify. I've resisted the urge to rattle on about sports on my little blog, but I'll make an exception today. Anyone who knows me knows I'm FAR more into Football than Baseball, but there is a particular purity about Baseball that is so welcoming. It's a comfort sport.

You can't really lounge at a football game. There's too much going on. There's a big play developing and the guy in front of you stands, so you stand, (she'll stand up... it'll be anarchy, sir) and beer is spilled all to just see Matt Leinart overthrow another pass.

Baseball is a great time to sit and watch something casually with friends. Catch up on things. Enjoy spending time with someone instead of trying to look through your friend's head at the play.


So I'll be celebrating today, even though opening day is one more reminder of the Arizona summer that is on its way. I'll grill some dogs and toss a burger on as well. I'll bring extra RELISH (haters...) with all the other fixings, open a beer, turn on the game, and probably fall asleep in the 6th inning.

One of the best days of the year.

Who hasn't wondered this?

http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/109237/if-you-were-billionaire-for-five-hours

When Paul Fischer checked his bank account Friday night, he had a happy surprise. His balance had exploded to $88,888,888,888.88. A very lucky number indeed, and close to $89 billion.

Of course, the balance was a technical error by SunTrust Bank (NYSE: STI - News), which quickly fixed the problem. It also may have occurred in other accounts.

"You say, 'Eighty-eight billion, what can I do with that?'" said Mr. Fischer, who owns a jewelry concessionaire for Florida theme parks. "Maybe a handful of us could have brought down SunTrust Bank."

Mr. Fischer had other ideas as well. Before the problem was fixed, he asked a SunTrust rep if he could move the money to an interest-bearing account until it was reclaimed and donate the interest to charity. Total interest: more than $7.3 million.

The bank said no.

The money was stripped out of his account by Saturday morning.

"It's all gone. I'm poor again," he said. "I was a billionaire for five hours."

This kind of bank error happens frequently. But Mr. Fischer raises an interesting question: What if, for five hours, you truly did have $89 billion?

What would you do with the money? The ground rules are that you would have to give the money back — and whatever you bought or invested with it — after five hours.