Self-involved, but with a great taste in music

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The need to not need

I hate needing anything. Other than the basic necessities (food, water, oxygen, oxygen network) I don't really enjoy having something that governs me. What am I talking about?

Talking about that. Coffee.

While I don't like things that can become a dependency, I do have a particular contempt for coffee. Here are a few reasons:

1. I've seen countless studies that speak to the health benefits of coffee. Someone point me to where it says it's good for your teeth??

[irony - coming from the guy with a history of broken teeth. Cest 'la vie]

2. Other people's addictions. Having a Starbucks or whatever every 100 yards means that entering Target or the mall has someone in my ear talking about how they NEED their coffee to continue to accomplish their consumerish goals.

3. Coffee breath.

4. "Let's grab a cup of coffee" used to be a cute line, for love interests or friends looking to catch up. Now it's like two crack fiends looking to get their fix by sharing needles.

5. Peeing. I enjoy pissing as much as the next person, but every hour or so is annoying. It's annoying for me when I have to and it's annoying for me when other people constantly have to get up and sit down throughout the day. There was actually a queue at the urinal at work. The urinal at the ballgame, fine. You can chat about the dropped pass or something till it's time to do your thing. You'll never see them again. Or at a club you can talk about the girl with the 19-inch heels outside of the bathroom. All in good fun. But I'm not going to talk about work or something with Todd from accounting.

"Do you have your TPS reports for me?"
"Was I supposed to turn one in? I don't remember an email."
"Well, I mentioned it the other day."
"Really? When?"
"We were in the bathroom."
"... (awkward)... I had a lot of coffee that day. I'm trying to remember what instance..."
"I think you were humming Boombastic by Shaggy."
"That's riiiight."

So I give up.

I have another dense technical schematic plan to read and it's either reach for a noose or Folgers choice. Congratulations universe. Being an engineer AND caving to coffee. Time to wave it =>

I'll stop here because I need to go pee again. Seriously.