You'll have to excuse me for such a personal post. There's hardly anything more agonizing and poetic than unredeemed love. When you desires go unfulfilled and your hopes and expectations lay listless on the ground like wilted petals.
When you think of them and you can swear you can catch a familiar scent in the air.
When you let your eyes fall shut you swear that you can nearly taste a lingering of them in your mouth.
Oh, twenty piece Chicken Nuggets, you dirty little tease, how I've longed for you...
I've been craving these delicious little morsels for about three weeks and I've done pretty well to avoid temptation... that was until this past weekend.
I was hanging out with my niece and Ice Age was on TV for the 2392834th time and we of course HAD to watch it. She'd keep falling asleep against me and when I'd move my arm to change the channel she'll sit up for a second and shake her head no and then slowly slouch back against my arm.
Hard for a person to be less than ten years old and have a vintage move, but she manages this and that's hers.
At some point I fall asleep and when I open my eyes next my gaze falls upon two plates that had been set near us. What must have been my plate was marked with some Taco Bell, which I could tell because her plate sported some TBell and... (drool) Chicken Nuggets. I rub my eyes to make sure I'm not hallucinating. My family never gets fast food and if we did we surely wouldn't go to two places for one meal, right?? I find myself trying to convince myself that her plate is the Fresco menu one and mine is the Heaven with Tacos on the side. She snuggles against me, still sleeping. Peaceful. Beautiful. Oblivious.
My body started working on its own. I opened the Sweet and Sour sauce with one hand (left at that!) as it made that sweet vsshh sound. Did she wake up?!? I looked under my right arm in horror to check... Nothing. I breathe easy and pick up a nugget. I still try to reconcile the guilt... there are TEN nuggets. There is absolutely NO CHANCE she eats more than six. With tacos as well? Probably won't even get through 3. I'd be doing her a favor...
I dip and I have a huge smile on my face. If I'm going to hate myself later, I'm going to love life and all its small blessings right now.
Are you feeding me?
[look down with wild eyes] What?
Nuggets!?! (quiet, but sleepily excited. She shuts her eyes again.)
[if I don't move she'll fall back asleep]
They smell goooood.
3 Nuggets consumed right in front of me. By my hands!! She nods off again.
(very quietly) Here you go, Ishu!
Wake up! Here's one more!
If you don't eat this one, I will.
[You have NO idea]
She opens her mouth.
[It's a yawn!!]
I look to the side and stuff the nugget in my mouth thinking Don't look at me! I sit back and watch the squirrel wrestle for the acorn on the TV and I feel sedated. The guilt was worth it. I wake her up and feed her the rest of her food. She stops after nugget 7.
[her 7 + my 1 = 8... TWO LEFT!?!]
Hey kiddo, can you finish?
No, I don't want any more. Do you want it?
[already chewing] Um, sure.
I hold the last one in my hand. This is the one I've been waiting for. No Guilt. No Rush. All the time in the world and I'm going to savor every last moment. I give it my bedroom eyes as I dunk it in the sauce. My mom walks in, "oh, can I have one?" I look at her. And then the nugget. Then her. I nod and look down as I hold it out for her and she takes it with happy teeth.