Why More People Need to Talk to Themselves

I can't remember where I heard it, but there's this factoid that I'll never forget:

On average men speak 5,000 words a day
On average women speak 20,000 words a day


When men exceed 5k words a day they were noted as being lethargic and drained. (useless)
When women didn't hit their 20k allocation they were found to be restless and uneasy. (batty)


I don't know if the study talks about the converse of these things, like what happens if women went over their average or if men didn't hit their average. And the latter part is something that I'd be DEFINITELY interested in.

A lot of dudes have no idea when to shut the **** up.

Am I completely immune to this chastising? Of course not, I have a freaking blog, but I'd like to think that I have a sense for when someone is trying to bow out of a conversation. For the uninitiated (everyone I work with... one awesome exclusion) here are some tips:


If the person you are talking to resorts to monosyllabic and passive responses like "yeah", "sure", "hmm", "oh", "eh", "mmm", "f*************CK", they either don't care or they don't care to waste their precious word limits on what you're talking about.

Probably both.






If you are laughing at your own jokes and you can't even get a curtosy laugh from your audience, you are more than likely currently pillaging someone's soul.















If you are talking to someone and they WALK AWAY from you mid-sentence, do not follow them and continue... what is wrong with you?!?!?


















If the person you are talking to throws their head back and their mouth is agape, as if welcoming the insertion of flaming coals to end the misery, either stop babbling or get your tongs out and grant them sweet release.











So maybe that's what happens when guys don't hit their 5k average, they become unemphatic lunatics that find the sound of their own voice delicious? I get paid to do a JOB, not to get beaten into submission by terribly unfunny jokes or stories. So maybe if more people talked to themselves in their car on the drive into work (guilty) perhaps they wouldn't buckshot their insanity on anyone who happens to make the mistake of filling up their water cup.